Restlessness with markers

Ive been working in marker since I left to travel in Europe last fall. That makes it almost a year. Habit became series, and I set some goals for myself to help keep me accountable since I’m learning this all for myself. I feel the real world wide and open underneath me, I don’t have school to shelter me from how close artists constantly are to the drop. This is why my goals are important. They are all thats holding me up to myself. Theres not enough space to cut corners if I want to learn seriously. Im not educating myself because school wouldnt be nice. But the reality is that I can’t afford it. I can’t afford the anxiety of massive and debilitating debt for the rest of my life. It feels like going through an academic program for the things I love would most likely make them infeasible to do post-program. Fucking art. Teaching myself will be harder in some regards, but luckily I’m experienced at working independently. Often I learn more that way. Still, I’m invested in finding specific classes. Id like to take some at BAVC (Bay Area Video Coalition) this year. Ive been a member for a year and I’ve gone to events but never managed to take a class. Im using the money from this marker series on materials and classes. I feel good about building my own path. Im finally finding community and education resourcesĀ in the Bay and beginning to learn the things that fascinate me.

I feel myself being motivated to move on to other projects, but i haven’t completed my goal (200 marker portraits). I wanted to finish by the end of the summer but Im at 115 of 200 so I have 85 left and at 4 hours each…you do the math (340 hours, 15 days left in August- 15 days x 24 hours =360 so 20 hours left to sleep, work, eat and be alive). Im either going to have to draw faster or sleep .3 hours per day. A number of people suggest I change the goal to less drawings. Maybe 150. But I’m still learning from markers. I want it to be easy to do this style, so that when I get commissions I don’t feel anxiety over production. Will doing 200 make it easy? I really don’t know. Probably not. But I think having kept myself accountable for past goals, will make keeping myself accountable in the future easier. The main issue is that I feel less motivated to finish this marker series then I do to do other projects. Its important to be able to finish projects. Its important to be able to work on a project when it gets hard and work it out. Its important to be able to listen to yourself while you finish/work out projects. In addition to drawing technique, these are the things I’m working on. So if I don’t finish this series by the arbitrary time goal I set, its ok. It was an estimation, those are adjustable. But I still need to prioritize this project foremost until its complete. Right now I’m using a desire to paint as motivation to finish this series of drawings.